On the up-swing (and the slide)

Mark, being the sweetie that he is, offered yesterday to stay home today to help out since Ali and I have been sick all week. It's a good thing! Ali and I didn't sleep much last night but today I got to sleep in, TIL 12:00! Yes, folks, that's right, 12:00 NOON! While that won't surprise some people (Hi, Mom!), these days 8:30 is sleeping in.

For being sick, Ali's was still pretty active and had fun with Daddy today. He's so crafty, he made a slide... out of couch cushions. I guess being tired of building a fort and hiding was the spark of creativity!

(and YES, those ARE big girl panties! Ali's been doing great peeing on the toilet, the first few days were rough but she's getting the hang of it. Of course, I must brag, she's been pooping on the toilet for about a year! It's mostly been her training me to see the signs, there's a name for that... Elimination Communication I think. Basically I watched for signs and we would go use the toilet to poop. We'd spend the time chatting or reading a book and some days it's hard to get her off of the toilet cuz she's enjoying her time. I don't pressure her, and still don't, pressuring her, as strong willed as she is, only results in frustration on both of our parts. So, it's not an all day thing, there's times she's in diapers, and times when she's not. I let her decide..and she's opting for no diapers more and more, specially since she's caught on that it can be a quick pee instead of sitting and visiting EVERY time)

I'm so crafty, I made Ali's first game! I guess watching her oogle Daddy's and being curious.. and wanting to protect Mark's game...and side swiping Ali's NEED to see was the spark of creativity!

(She enjoyed rolling the die more than the game itself, eventually the board game was left behind for shaking the die in a container. Here's where it gets freaky on a meta physical level; as she was shaking I told Mark that's what she was doing with M-O-N-E-Y at Gramma and Papa's, I spelled out money instead of saying it. I swear Ali looked up right away and said "money".. holy crap, can she spell!!! Did she just put the other stuff together and remembered!!! Did she read my mind!!! Whatever it was, it took my so by surprise that I had tears in my eyes. I do really think she remembered and understood the rest to know what I was talking about.)

and one of many pictures from one of Ali's games. She does a game, gets a dress-up item, dresses up  Scout or Violet and can snap pictures. Ali LOVES snapping pictures.... Momma LOVES deleting the endless rows of them...

Well, I've been home for 2 months. The business (yarn store) is starting to take shape, I'm finally getting the hang of working 8 hrs from home and I think I'm starting to enjoy being home, I definitely enjoy and am super grateful that I get to be home with my girl!

Count to...zzzzz

I have a post mulling about our smart little Ali, counting to 10! Yes, she does! 

But, we're sick this week and I've been spending all my extra brain cells (during Ali's short naps..cuz I'm just numb after bedtime) and she's rousing already from an early bedtime

But, I just can't help but share the cutest ever video of her...

Now, off to take care of her and get some sleep myself...

Goodnight all!

Time to face facts

I think I have to resolve to face facts... Alexiss just isn't a good sleeper. In talking to other Moms with multiple kids, it's just the way it is sometimes and Alexiss isn't a good enough talker to tell me what's going on yet. I've tried food sensitivities, I've trying different down time lengths, different bed times. I've left her lamp on with a soft blue light in it, I've tried darkness, I've tried white noise.. no noise...I even tried putting the sweater I was wearing over her for a blanket last night, thinking it would have my smell and comfort her a bit. Silly, yes, but it tells you how creative and open minded I'm being.. and tells you just how many things I've been trying.

I've got a few more tricks up my sleeve, but I just may have to get it in my head that this is the way it's going to be and be thankful for the good nights, and try to help Alexiss through the rough nights. Getting to sleep can be a problem, but for that, there's a method, it's the staying asleep that I'm out of ideas for. So I'll continue with walking her back to her room and settling her back in and I've got to work on my own sleep pattern and insomniac ways to sneak in a few more hours each night.

I don't want to start asking her what it is that's waking her and use specific words to  put ideas in her head, I'd rather wait until she can voice it and make me understand.  It could be something like a noise, a light.. a dream. Who knows.

The phrase of the week, "Uh oh, wot happend?" with a cute shrug of her shoulders. That's not a spelling mistake, that's exactly how it sounds. She even did it last night on one of her waking spells, half asleep. She drifted off quickly after, making me wonder if this is kinda like a wakeful sleepwalking thing.

We have snow, yes, SNOW! Alexiss refused to go out for a few days when it started. I even brought in a bowl of snow to show her and let her explore the newness of it in the comfort of a warm house. No go. She went as far as to move away from the bowl of snow and look at it in disgust. heheheheh. Now she has fun going outside and kicking the snow, there's been a few chilly puddles to jump in to. When she gets cold, we come inside for a "hot juice". I get a coffee or tea and I've been treating her to a little mug of Latte. The best part of the cold was always coming inside for a hot chocolate and feeling the warmth radiate to all my cold parts.

Anger does not equate with love

Dear Alexiss

Since being off work full time and spending more time with you, I've been doing a lot of thinking and setting my head and heart straight. Never think that my love for you isn't bigger than everything else life throws my way. Your love rules my way and I am never thinking of just myself, I'm also thinking of you and Dad in everything I do.

I admit, I struggle with staying home full-time, it's a shift I'm having a difficult time with but I'm working hard to narrow down just what I'm trying to hold so tight onto. Work is work but work also gives us a sense of accomplishment. It's easy to finish a task and present it with a big smile knowing I've completed the task well. With you, it's not as easy to know when I'm doing the right thing, I don't think I'll ever know. All I can do is to try to protect you from harm while also knowing when to let you go explore and grow on your own. Another mom said to me that you are healthy and happy, so I must be doing a great job. But it's so much more than that.

Some mom's don't talk about it, I don't know why. Sometimes it makes me feel like I don't love you like I should, but then I started realizing all the other feelings may impact or seem to overlay my love for you, but they are totally separate things. Anger and impatience is not about how much I do or do not love you, it's nothing external and everything internal to me. What a huge realization! Say it with me, "Anger has nothing to do with loving or not loving a person". I can get angry with someone I don't necessary click with, but I can also get angry with those I love the most. So, my conclusion is, anger is never in the same equation with love. Remember that, not just from me but from everyone you come into contact with.

Today I realized that prayer is love. Regardless of denomination, it makes us aware of our hearts, our compassion and our empathy for others. Prayer, even if to a different God, is pure love and positive energy beamed your way. Be grateful for those are willing to publicly pray for you and think of you. Of course, some people may pray for you in a way you are not inclined because they think they know what is best for you, in that instance, pray for them for acceptance and tolerance in your differences. I think I've written you a past letter about types of love and how people show it. It's a tough one.

So, while I put you down to bed tonight, and after an hour and a half when you're still wiggling, it seems you'll never fall asleep and my patience wears thin, remember, even with the short curt "Alexiss, go to sleep"'s, there is still love in the room and always will be. My responsibility as a parent is to grow and nurture your spirit and self enough so that when the times comes, you are capable and strong enough to find your way in life and be willing to go the way you see fit, despite what others may think (yes, even me).

Always
Momma

First things first.. and other things next

A blog of all blogs, lots to tell from the past few days but sleep won out...until today. So while Ali naps, I'll try to include it all in one. The sleep saga continues, last night Ali was up at 11:00, 3:00 and then for good at 7:00. We're going to get her a more firm bed/mattress and I hope Mark will help me with some food sensitivity testing. Well, the cat's on the desk chair, so I'm perched at the kitchen table, chilly, tired a little achy and wanting to nap, but.. I have so much to tell!

Today was a special Mom and Tots day thanks to a few moms and Agrium, the moms were treated to a first aid day and left with amazing first aid kits:

There's a small kit included as well, thanks to them, I can now replace my make-shift kit in the diaper bag with a real one! I can't believe the stuff inside, normal first aid stuff plus some non typical stuff like some emergency candles, a flash light and one of those shiny tin-foilish emergency blankets! This was my week for snacks and because it was going to be a bit longer of a session, I decided to make sandwich wraps. I always stress and question what I decide to make for people, thank goodness they were a hit! I made a few of many flavors so everyone could pick; Egg, Ham and Cheese, Nutella and banana, cream cheese dipped in butter and rolled in cinnamon sugar, cucumber and laughing cow, ham and cheese and turkey with cranberry. Whew!

Okay, pretend this is yesterday's blog entry, k?

Pretty Cold and Pretty

It's official, Ali doesn't like snow. So we stayed inside and made ourselves pretty and took it easy. Ali got into one of my make up palette's and I let her go with it, it was a light pink and I didn't see it doing much harm. Even if her cheeks weren't rosy from the cold, they were from the make up!

Okay, one more blog entry to go....

Booed and Boo Hoo-ed

This weekend was full of treats! Ron and Gail came for a visit, cooked some super yummy food and gave Ali her birthday presents! 

A neighbor started a community game where you "Boo" your neighbors. I think we were close to the beginning of it. So, the rule is, you get boo-ed (a bag of candy, a poem and a cute print out sign), then you have to Boo two neighbors. The print outs are found online at http://www.beenbooed.com/ or do a search, there's tons of different templates. So we... ate the candy, put up the "We've been booed" sign on the door so we won't get booed again, grabbed some candy at the store and made bags up, printed out the sign and poem and BOOED two neighbors. The idea is to see how quick it can spread through the neighborhood. I haven't noticed many more, but then again, with Ali not wanting to go out in the snow... we don't get too far.

You may notice a bit of a fat lip in the close ups above, Ali continues to learn the hard way about climbing on stuff and exactly what gravity is. A true scientist! Learning through experimenting. I could live without the big experiments though.  I try to keep an eye on her to steer her away from the big falls and climbs, this one wasn't that high, but she didn't want to let go of her new Horse to catch herself. I was mad at myself, mad at Mark... but then I realized that stuff like this just happens sometimes.

You may start to hear me saying "Ati" instead of "Ali". Her playmate, Lauren, cannot say Ali and it come out "Ati", I didn't think much of it, well, I did think it was cute, but that was as far as it went. It wasn't until Ryan, Linda and their 21 month old daughter, Violet, came to stay that it started to stick. Violet also called Alexiss "Ati".. and you know, she kinda likes it! heh.

Whew, so, 40 min into Ali's nap .....

One more thing: Needle in a Haystack! 

Some of you have probably heard me ramble about starting a yarn store from home amid the planning to leave full time work. It's slow going for sure, but last week I tried to become a distributor for one of my favorite supply company, Knit Picks. Their online request form asked for a license number... I got no further. You see, as a small home run business, I don't need a GST/HST Business number until my sales go over $30,000 a year, accountants recommend waiting since getting one before really complicates things around tax time, more forms, etc. Add that in rural Wheatland County the County doesn't like to give out licenses to home run businesses... and really... I don't have proof to places that I'm a legit business. Anyway, I emailed Knit Picks and they haven't totally said no yet! They wanted some information and pictures and are still considering letting me carry their yarn and supplies. This would also put me on their list of retail stores! yay! So, since I had to take some pics, here they are: 

Okay, 50 min into Ali's nap.... now I'm off to either knit or contact GarnStudio yarns to see if they're interested in letting me become a distributor for them. Toodles!

Two weeks Home

This is my second week home with Alexiss on an almost full time basis and we haven't killed each other yet. Although, Alexiss has shown talent as an interrogator, using sleep deprivation as a tactic. Poor girl, poor me, she continues to wake through the night, although it seems she's transitioning from a 3:00 am wake-up to a 1:00 am wake-up, and yes, the transition meant a few nights with both! I used to be able to catch up on weekends but she's started crying or making her way to the closed bedroom door and it's enough to stir me out of sleep, after a few attempts I've given in to just waking up.

We tried potty training last week with a successful morning and not so successful afternoon. Instead of adding the trama of making it a fight, I relented and we're back to diapers. Mind you, I'm fortunate enough that she's been pooping in the toilet for months. Part of me relenting was to ensure she doesn't revert into pooping in her diaper as well. I know it seems a little early, but she's really not enjoying her diapers anymore. Oh well, I thought I'd give it a go and... it didn't. We'll try again some other time, when she's watched Elmo's Potty video a few more times and we can sing the songs together. heh.

Thanks to Pinterest.com I've had some fun things to do... for Alexiss and for Mark. There's all kinds of home organization ideas, Do it Yourself projects and great ideas for kids including crafts and sensory play. A few weeks ago I had no idea what "sensory play" was! It was just play-doh, messy fun and exploring! They have a name for everything these days, even visiting friends is now "play dates". The moms around here must think I'm so out of touch!

Yesterday we had fun playing with baking soda and colored vinegar, fizz fizz fizz.

Well, I know we announced upon her birth that she's a girl, and sometimes she is.... when it comes to hair and getting nail polish on her toes, her untaught love of pink, but sometimes the tomboy comes out and the rocks go into her pockets, the dirt goes onto her face and anything gets climbed. What a great balance!

Oh.. and I'm sad to say "belbows" is now "elbows". It's tough, I know as a parent it's my responsibility to grow her and let her grow, she can't say "belbow" forever! I mean, what would her first boyfriend think!

We had company a few weekends ago, Mark's good friend Ryan, his wife Linda and their 21 month old, Violet! What a fun weekend, doing nothing and everything. We went to a park in Strathmore and played in the leaves.

Whew, so much to tell, but I don't want to ramble too much, I mean.. you poor people have to READ it all! So, now onto pictures and maybe, just maybe I'll get better at updating more often with little tidbits. Like last week, when she was at Bev's, I guess the toy of the day was the shower! Alexiss and Aurora would get into the shower and pretend to wash, then get out and giggle. Of all the toys.... the shower! Or how last week at the grocery store, she was getting fidgety, so I gave her a noisy box of alpha pasta to shake shake shake... and when that got boring, without me catching on, she opened it and started to munch on the uncooked pasta. She was thoroughly enjoying it... and the cashier got a kick out of it too, even amid the A's and B's that fell to the floor! And I swear... I had just fed her before we left! Or the night Mark left the cap to her bottle on the night stand, upon her 3:00 wake-up, she so coyly pointed to her bottle cap and shrugged her shoulders, bewildered as to where her bottle was. I couldn't help but indulge her in a little night time snack after laughing.

Okay, now I'll give your poor eyes a break and a treat!

Growing Pains?

Yes, having a child is painful,

...and mah belleh did grow!

...and I still get the odd twinge were I had the cesarian, but

...that was a long time ago, seems like ages ago and time does heal.

...for now, I'm not talking about giving birth

......or the bonks, headbutts, and fat lips.... the hair pulling, the pokes in the eye, the small finger up my nose (quite the nose bleed too!), the not-so-gentle caresses, the tickles that don't tickle yet, or the headaches from lack of sleep .... then there's the sore feet from all the outside walks (in slippers, because a fast bounce on the trampoline in the backyard never ends there, it ends up being a walk around the neighborhood.... not to mention the painful view I'm sure I am for neighbors.

...or the sore hips from sleeping on the floor beside her bed, not to mention sore neck. And before the floor, it's the rocking, which starts out in a comfortable position, but it never ends that way, and with her drifting off to sleep, I dare not move, holding my legs up like they are still crossed... but really... they aren't.

Anyway, I could go on about it forever, but that's not the point of today's post... growing pains is. Or rather, you tell me.

Alexiss has been having fun pointing and tickling "belbows" (elbows), today she decided that her belbows and arms needed a little Calamine lotion slathered on them. Me being the Momma that I am, happily obliged. What started out as her belbow, turned into her arm, wrists and palms. Once slathered, she was much happier indeed! I started wondering if she's been having growing pains and remembered how the Calamine lotion helped her insect bites.

Then there's the pain of a short walk turning into a looooonnnggg walk. Tonight, true to form, a quick backyard bounce turned into a walk around the neighborhood, I was smart enough put on pants (instead of pajama bottoms) and shoes this time!  We walked out for about 5 mins, then to get home... I swear it took me all kinds of tricks; Oh, Alexiss, look at THIS rock (10 steps ahead). Oh, Alexiss, can you walk like THIS? (backwards). Oh, Alexiss, aren't you getting hungry yet? (rumble rumble goes my tummy). Oh, Alexiss... well, they weren't all "Oh Alexiss" some were "kiddo", some were "Bubba", some were "AliAliAli" and the one that seems to get her attention lately is "Oh Little Miss!".

Today's mid-day bounce was with Dad, and thanks to an idea I saw on Pinterest.com, Alexiss had a fun wonderful time using chalk on the trampoline, still remembering the plane from earlier and happy to share the story, Alexiss rambled away and had lots of fun. If you listen close (cup your ear), you may hear Alexiss's rendition of what a pig says. I'm afraid she's going to loose it because neither Mark nor I can do it.

  

Today's earlier "bounce" resulted in us standing in the backyard, just listening. No pain at all, it was really kinda sweet and made my heart smile. We watched a plane fly overhead with our hands cupped at our ears. We watched it soar until it disappeared. Then the train "tooted" and we listened. Are you waiting for me to say there was a head butt involved? lol. Not today, but maybe tomorrow, who knows what tomorrow brings. Tonight brings a bath to get off all the pink on her arms.... 

Alexiss gets a pillow! My pillow!

So tonight, I asked Alexiss if she wanted a pillow in her bed.... She looked at me for a few seconds, grabbed mine and ran to her room, threw my pillow in her bed and looked at me with a huge smile!

.... now to keep checking on her to make sure she's okay. Ack, it's tough to let her grow up and not be overly worried!

Today Mark and Alexiss went outside as I was trying to rouse from sleeping in late.. and trying to tidy up too... I looked out the window to see Mark jumping on the trampoline and Alexiss sitting at her small picnic table, sippy cup in hand, watching Mark. I found out later, through Mark, that she'd directed Mark to get on the trampoline as she was getting off, such a good dad, he obliged. 

Mark's a pro at matching dance moves on the Backyardigans show. He had me in stitches tonight!

Last long weekend, Summer 2012

As a family, we saw the last of summer out with a bang.... and boy and I tired! I bought Alexiss some early birthday presents to help keep her busy, a small tote for water play and pouring practice indoors, some play doh AND some washable finger paints. Whew... then all the walks and trip to the park on top of it all!

We've been sleeping through most nights again but trying to figure out just what the reason.. is a hard thing to nail down. It could be the full piece sleepers again, it could be that the nights have cooled, it could be drinking more water during the day (which means less at night), it could be less outside time now that I'm home more, it could've been teething, it could've been growing pains. Who knows, but whatever it is.. I'll take it. Smart as a whip that little girl! She can pick out what she wants to watch on netflix, play DJ on the iPad and is starting to communicate well as far as telling us where to sit beside her as she plays, and telling me what she doesn't want for breakfast/lunch/dinner/snacks.

My modified work schedule.. didn't work. So I'm finally taking life by the horns and resigning to start the business from home that I've had in my head for 4 or 5 years. A woman in the neighborhood refinished her barn into a meeting/arts and crafts building and has been looking for a knitter for a few years, so... here I go! A local yarn store it is! I've got the room visualized, the furniture picked out and know some of what I want to stock, and the flyer is made for the drop in knitting nights at the refinished barn (no where near enough room at home). On Friday Alexiss and I went into town to talk to the woman that's done our taxes for years, about what I need to do to get registered and a license. When I tried to give my notice at work, my bosses wanted to discuss if they could offer me a leave of absence instead, I'll find out more on Tuesday, but either way... come the end of Sept I'll be a stay at home, work from home Mom. It's been a tough year and I've held tightly to the old me while trying to incorporate the new me and the new life, it's okay, but I know I don't have the brainpower to play and have fun, let alone grow as a person. So I finally realized it was time to let the old go and grasp the new for all that it's worth. The store doesn't need to be super successful, just enough to bring in some extra money and give me a grown up outlet. I sure hope I can manage being a full time mom again, it's the toughest job out there and I do tend to sometimes get impatient with the constant demands. Hey, who knows, maybe I'll even get to mop the floor more often!

 Oh my goodness! Pinterest! Need I say more? Okay, for some of you.. probably. It's a website with a simple concept, people create albums and "pin" everything and anything from pictures to how they'd like to refinish a room, to do it yourself home tips, gardens, hair and nails.... quotes.. you name it, you can pin it. I've found so many great ideas for the house and for play ideas for Alexiss, and home made recipes for bubbles, toothpaste and playdoh with koolaid coloring. I've been spending way too much time looking and pinning, but honest... it's all good stuff!!!!

Okay, time to sweep and mop as Alexiss naps. This is the second thing on my to do list so I better get going. Here's our fun filled action packed day yesterday. Alexiss helped me clean out my yarn stash, I made a "de-stash" basket so people can trade old yarns they don't use or need, kinda the same as "take a penny, need a penny" trays. Then we went to play at the park, then home to finger paints!

Sweet summer days

Alexiss continues to fight going to bed, strange thing though, she goes down for naps super easy. Tonight...was a good night, it seems there's about one a week where she doesn't fight it and drifts off peacefully without ten thousand "close your eyes and go to sleep"s. I swear, I know paybacks are sweet, but when she gets to be a teen and sleeps in... ima sleepin in right along with her and enjoying every moment of it! It's been quite the month; lots of new sweet sounding words, a wedding in PEI, a beach and meeting cousins for the first time, the flu while away... and... yes... are you ready... a date night this coming Friday for The Momma and Dada! We're going golfing.. or rather.. Mark is golfing and I'm driving the cart. It's something we haven't done in 2 years and a great way to start a weekend. I hope all the pictures and videos don't bog down your computer too much, but they are too cute and I've just gotta share them. Alexiss is really becoming her own little person and in her eyes... she's the coolest, bravest kid around the block! Somehow... I think she's right! This weekend we went into Strathmore to their Heritage Day Festival and rodeo. We didn't watch the rodeo but did walk around the grounds for a bit. This is the first time seeing animals up close and personal. Alexiss was interested but a little hesitant and happy to watch the other kids cram their way in past her. Here's Alexiss at the beach in PEI, she had so much fun! Playing with her in the waves are Aunt Teresa and cousins Megan and Erica.. and Dada of course! ...just hanging out at home. See? Cool kid, eh? And now for super cute pictures!!!!

Looking all grown up

Contemplating life with bolgna

Looking ready for school already!

Whew, hot enough for ya?

I have an excuse, I swear! We've been playing the bedtime game again and I'm just too tired at the end of the day to sit at the computer. I hope you'll all understand. You know, this blog began to keep family up to date and hopefully to tell Alexiss's life story but I've realized it was also a kind of therapy for me by taking some frustrating moments and trying to tell them in a funny way.

As for what's keeping us up at night.... It's been hot and I totally understand, but it's dragging on all of us. The past two nights have been cooler and I think...I hope... we're all catching up a little on sleep.

Alexiss is at a stage where you can see the frustration in her because she can't do what she wants to do, I think this time it's talking. Mind you, she's getting very good, even if not everyone understands... I do. She's started putting words together too!

Here's pictures of Alexiss while we're trying to keep her cool. Her first popsicle and playing in her pool.

Recent firsts

Seems Oma and I are in agreement, Alexiss had her first bang-trim yesterday. Not a lot was cut, but it must be true... we both noticed! Nothing off of the back or sides though, thank goodness. If it was more than a bang trim I don't think I'd be so nonchalant about it. I kinda want to be there for it when it happens.... and save that lil curl!

Alexiss got her first splinter this week too. And The Momma had her first experience trying to remove splinters. She was so good, sitting on the floor and letting me do what I needed to, mind you.. it took a few little breaks and wanderings off on her part, but we managed to pick away at two of the four. They were in her left palm, two were pretty superficial, I got one of the superficial ones and the worst of the four out last night, then Alexiss had to explore and take invisible splinters out of Daddy's hand! I wonder if she'll be as accommodating tonight to let me get the other two!?

The ball is rolling for me to lessen my work load and reduce hours. I expect to hear something by the end of the week from my boss on what they thought of my proposed idea and what they can actually do for me. I figure if I'm no further ahead at the end of the week, I can't get more behind... since I didn't think they would even consider anything outside of the 40 hour in-office work week.

Oh and lots of words, I can't quite make out what p'na is supposed to be though!

Becoming a tree nymph

Tonight as she slipped off to sleep, I held her in my arms against me and together we became a tree. We marveled at the nest with the baby birds in it, their warmth lit our branches. A fox came along and brought her cubs to frolic and play. A woodpecker scratched an itch and it felt soooo good. Our long brown skirt heavy, but in a way that made us feel solid and secure. The wind whooshed through our leaves. The leaves reveling in the sunlight and our skin, shaded, cool.

I've always found grounding myself through visualizing and meditating of being a tree one of the best ways to break away from the nervous energy of the day, all the little pings of energy that irritate, that unsettle.

Alexiss hasn't been sleeping well this week, and the fifth night (last night) was the worst. Tonight she fell asleep quite easily and I know both of us were thankful. Yesterday she had gotten a few insect bites, by dinner, it was obvious that she was having a reaction. Because she's so healthy, I really haven't had to give her much care or first aid, so I wasn't even sure I could give her Benadryl. She woke around 12:00, and without having a 24 hour pharmacy nearby, I thought to myself... "we get this under control now or tomorrow during the day.. and neither of us are sleeping anyway, may as well be doing something."

So I woke up poor Mark so I could get ready for a short drive into the Strathmore emerg. It was either that or hoof it all the way into Calgary. Bad use of the emerg health care, but honestly, it was worth it to both of us as we finally and quickly fell asleep at around 4:00.

I'm struggling with being a working Mom. I love my work time, my adult time, my productive time. But I'm finding that I'm torn. Alexiss and Olive get along fine, but I know my bond with her is strong and with me she flourishes and learns, she explores and grows at a different rate. I feel she is more herself with me, or is becoming herself more easily with me. Our bond is very strong and I understand her, I can almost hear her thinking about something she's about to do. Our spirits match.

So, I've got some hard thinking ahead. Mark and I both do. But we do both feel Alexiss needs more time with me than she's been getting. It'll be interesting to see what solution we come up with in the next few months!  

We had another short trip to Ontario as a family for family. Mark's grandmother passed away with loved one nearby to help ease her transition.  It was a sad occasion, but good to see everyone and spend time supporting each other. She will be missed, a very gentle loving woman with an impeccable attention to detail and people. I'm always amazed at how quickly Alexiss warms up to family members, specially the younger ones. It's a treat to see her with other kids. Mark's cousins kids (does that make them second cousins... I think?) Brittany and Courtney love her to pieces and she loves them back. I swear she remembered them from our visit last summer. We did take the opportunity to geo-cache with Opa and spend a day with Pops, watching the squirrels and blue jays come and get their peanuts.

I hear her, I feel her

My daughter needs me

I hear her
I hear the joy in her laugh
I hear the cause of her pain
I see the light in her eyes
I hear her thoughts as she thinks

I hear her spirit

She needs me.

She needs me to love her
She needs me to accept her
She needs me as she explores the world
She needs to know she's perfect

It's my smile that tells her
It's my gaze as I watch her
It's sharing breath with her

The quiet moments as she slips off to sleep in my arms....

are perfect

love

Catchin up with our Starr

I have no idea what Alexiss was trying to do. It made me chuckle enough to want to share...

A typical play day with tiles. I'm so glad I bought these things!

Playing ootside

Being silly in the tub

Alexiss's expanded vocabulary and translations

Bow - Cat. Okay, this one takes a little explanation. There's a cat down the street called Meow Meow... see connection yet?

Cheese - Surprising!

pad-pad (as she taps the couch) - iPad. Now Mark wants another one for his birthday because Alexiss seems to think the family one is hers. heh.

ba - Ball, Bath or Bed..oh yeah.. or bum. It's usually pretty easy to tell which is which

oot  - Outside

Shhhh - telling Rex to stop barking or the cat to stop meowing.

and of course, No. She's getting the hang of Yes too.

She's done the odd repeating thing too, where she repeats and then doesn't say it again, kinda like her not remembering how she said it. The most recent was flower, but she's been doing it for months.

Her comprehension is far beyond though. She knows everything we say and what it means, and she points out things in books easily.

We had a great morning playing in the dirt and around the yard.

A lil shnack outside

My mother's day present, thanks to Alexiss and help from Olive!

Alexiss is getting quite the tan... on her hands. I swear, it's not dirt and she usually wears long sleeves. heheheheh

Rita, Bev's daughter, (Bev is the Wed day care lady) thought it would be cute to put pig tails in Alexiss's hair. She was right! It was super CUTE and Alexiss loved them. So, of course, I had to go get elastics!

Mark came home with a box from his grandmother for Alexiss's collection. I'll have to get them together again and take a picture! Thanks Grandma! We're still thinking of you everyday!

New videos are being uploaded as I type, hopefully they'll be ready for you all this weekend.

Dear Alexiss

Dear Alexiss,

I have a secret to tell you. I hog you at bedtime! It's the most relaxing part of my day, most times, and when it's not, we get some alone time to poke my nose or snuggle, sometimes you even sneak in kisses and say "bed" back and forth. And then SOMETIMES you just won't go to sleep. Those are tough nights because you won't settle in on me so I put you in your crib.. and you cry as I leave the room. You usually settle again pretty quick and play on your own or drift off quickly, but it's still hard on a Momma.

And SOMETIMES when you're drifting off, we meditate. I'd like to think you're with me, because in my mind you are. We walk along a beach or sit near a bonfire in the forest as quiet as mice smiling at each other and enjoying the moment.

And ALL THE TIME when you're drifting off, I protect you. I seal off your room from everything outside the door and window, and it's just us. Me and you. Safe and free from outside vibrations. When you get older, I'll give that key to you, but for now I use the reasoning that, as the parent, I own the house..... and so I keep you safe.

Love you!
Momma

Ahhh, good morning!

It's been a tough few weeks, Alexiss hasn't been herself and hasn't been sleeping well. Last Wednesday we found out why, poor lil girl was sick. It's been a year since her and I had that horrible stomach flu so I guess we were due. Mark also caught a touch of it and I've been fighting something off. Let me tell ya, though, our little girl was such a trouper and now she's bounced back and is full of vim and vigor!

The sweetest thing she did was one night while I was trying to put her down to sleep for the night. She took my hand and rubbed her head with it.. of course I took the hint and soothed her as she drifted off.

She's trying to talk again too, mind you ball and bath sound much the same at this point, but it's a start. Sometimes she comes out with some wild sentences that sound like she knows what she's saying, it makes me wonder. A few months ago, on a weekend, I woke up and Mark said "look who's up", I swear she repeated him... and hasn't said it since. She's starting to mimic me for simple words, so it becomes a game of her and I saying things like "bum" and "bed" back and forth as she smirks. Come to think of it "ball", "bath", "bum" and "bed" all sound a lot alike. lol

What a smile on her when she's up to no good, it starts at her mouth but her eyes! they literally shine with her thoughts and I can almost hear her say "watch THIS Momma... I know you're not gonna like it, but I sure am!".

Mark is away in Ontario this weekend, visiting with his terminally ill grandmother. I fought with the feeling that we should all go, but Alexiss is such a little ball of energy and Mark's grandmother is already weakening, I can't imagine adding the stress having Alexiss's non-stop action in the house. Mark comes home on Sunday, and Oma and Opa (Mark's parents) are coming through today and staying a week. It's going to be a houseful since Olive will still be coming to care for Lauren and Mark has Monday off.

Well, it's happened, our little girl is growing up. She's made the transition herself of going to bed in her crib. I still cuddle her and rock her, but she can't get comfy. Some of the best cuddles and conversations happy when she's squirming around, she even stops squirming, looks at me and plants a kiss on my lips. I usually take that as an indication that she's ready for her crib. She still cries a bit when I leave the room, but not for long.

Well, she's up and calling for someone to come get her. Our day starts!

As she sleeps

More videos!

Alexiss is growing and learning more and more everyday!

Dancing with a partner



Downtime on the iPad



Being silly (you can hear my Mom laughing through Skype)

A handful!

Alexiss has been more clingy since returning home from my short trip alone to Ontario, Mark, try as he may, cannot lure her away from wanting to be with me. She's so cute, smiling more and more everyday, and its' getting easier and easier to play and make her laugh. I swear she's on the verge of talking, it seems more and more she's showing that she understands what I ask her and mimics short words back.

We took a few videos and pictures to send to Gramma to help her feel better while eating, cuz that's the only time she stays still, and while out at a nearby out of the way run-down park with a geocache in it!

A handful of laundry. Boy will this video come in handy one day!



A handful of food and a big smile.



on the way to geocaching...



A handful of a geocache container wandering around a nearby out-of-the-way run-down park.



Some random pics, the other little girl is Lauren who comes to our house for care with Olive on Mon, Tues, Thurs and Fridays.








Sorry John, she wasn't super picky on the doughnut and chose a cookie instead. We tried.. and hey, I finally got a chance to upload the pics for you!