Dear Alexiss

Dear Alexiss

Today was a very special day. Remembrance Day, a day to honor those who gave up the comfort of home life to live away from those they loved, who gave up creature comforts for extremely poor living conditions. When I take two minutes to thank every soul who fought wars, I do not take sides. Each life has value, each life was doing as they thought right and just. The mere thought of soldiers voluntarily going to deplorable conditions is unfathomable to me. It was a lone journey for them, alone without family but through it, friendships and bonds were made through a shared experience that none on the outside could understand, no matter how hard they try. It's an experience you had to be in to get the full meaning of it all. The families at home had their own struggles, for them their story was surrounding the same theme but with so many different aspects. All struggled, all gave their time and essentially their love and their life (living or not) to a cause they felt strongly enough about to put it above all else. Powerful stuff. Amazing stuff. Stuff I hope never to have to live, a position I never want to be in, a choice I never want to be presented with for me or my family. Wars continue, husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, children, lovers continue to fight and give up all that is comfort and ease.

Personally, I wish, someday, instead of separating by culture, locations, belief and the ego driven thoughts that "our way is right" will melt away to include rights for all as a human race, united and without divide. Acceptance and tolerance, not to what is right or wrong (or what we perceive is right or wrong) but tolerance to ideals and cultures that are in different paths of development than our own.

I am a proud Canadian, today I felt full of pride having the chance to sing "Oh Canada". It was right, it is who I am. I struggle with our history and acquisition of Canada. It was not always our land and the way we made it ours is not as honorable and just, it is as skewed and as unfair as most wars. It was not free land for the taking and I don't feel the outcome was the best solution for all involved. This still does not impede my pride to be Canadian and my need to honor the fallen soldiers.

There was controversy this year. A divide between those who wore red poppies and those that wore white. If we as a people cannot even tolerate or attempt to understand the root of each and accept the good intentions of both, I fear the ego and stance of righteousness will win and humans will always loose. The red poppy commemorates soldiers who have died in war. The white poppy symbolizes a support for peace in it's truest form. I see the both complimentary, not opposite. How best to honor fallen soldiers than to vow to put life of all above war and death. To honor peace, to strive for peace, to honor their life with appreciation of life. If we can learn one thing I would hope it would be that there is never an absolute right and wrong, that as much as we fought for our own freedom, we owe freedom to all, not just ourselves.

So when I honor the fallen on Remembrance Day I honor every soldier, I honor a life, a hard life and quite honestly a life that choose what was probably their last days on earth to be one so far from comfort and love that they could be; to stand..to give.. their most valuable thing..their life. I can do this with all my heart without judgement on right or wrong.

Honor life. Honor love. Justice and right or wrong is not black and white, truth is not black and white. Life and Love are the way to peace.

Love you with all my heart
Momma

Dear Alexiss

Dear Alexiss,

I have a secret to tell you. I hog you at bedtime! It's the most relaxing part of my day, most times, and when it's not, we get some alone time to poke my nose or snuggle, sometimes you even sneak in kisses and say "bed" back and forth. And then SOMETIMES you just won't go to sleep. Those are tough nights because you won't settle in on me so I put you in your crib.. and you cry as I leave the room. You usually settle again pretty quick and play on your own or drift off quickly, but it's still hard on a Momma.

And SOMETIMES when you're drifting off, we meditate. I'd like to think you're with me, because in my mind you are. We walk along a beach or sit near a bonfire in the forest as quiet as mice smiling at each other and enjoying the moment.

And ALL THE TIME when you're drifting off, I protect you. I seal off your room from everything outside the door and window, and it's just us. Me and you. Safe and free from outside vibrations. When you get older, I'll give that key to you, but for now I use the reasoning that, as the parent, I own the house..... and so I keep you safe.

Love you!
Momma

Dear Alexiss

You are doing so well! After being sick for a week, you're finally getting some much needed sleep. Boy did we all get a bit cranky, eh? I'm sorry I get impatient sometimes. I have a hard time keeping up to you some days, so full of life and wonder, while I'm old and sometimes too set in my ways. From the time you were born, our lives have drastically changed from acting like an old retired couple, almost boring in our contentment, to spending our time caring, sharing and playing, laughing and exploring the world again.

This is a good time to remind you to take care of yourself when caring for others. Don't use me for an example right now. The healthier you are in mind, heart and spirit, the more you can selfishly give to others in their times of need without burning yourself out. You also provide better care when you're in top shape yourself. And you never know when someone will need you to care for them, hopefully it's not your old parents too often.

The speed that you learn amazes me, and you surprise us every day. It reminds me of a quote I found online some time ago:

Don't worry that children never listen to you, worry that they are always watching you.
Robert Fulghum

This week you patted your head when Daddy asked you about your bed head, who knew! But we're onto you now that we know you're starting to understand things! I can't help but laugh when you bring me your bottle and iTouch to tell me you want to take a nap. At this rate, you won't need to talk for a long time. Today you pointed to an apple, and when I gave it to you, you munched on it whole! Later in the day you picked up something you thought was garbage and brought it to the cupboard, opened the cupboard and put the garbage in the garbage can! Not to mention how much you're liking using the potty, even if it only is playing sometimes.

Keep learning kiddo, you're doing great, you will do great, no matter what you end up doing in life. You are you, and that's good enough for me.

Love
Momma

Dear Lil Mizz A

My dearest baby girl

I hope this is one of many letters I write to you over the years. I'm writing because time passes so quickly and there's always going to be things I forget to say, or things that I don't have time to say, or even times I say it and you aren't in the mind frame to take it all in. So I'm using your blog as a place to leave little notes to you that can be looked at in the years and decades to come.

There's lots to say already, so much advice, words of love and a need to protect you, but one day those words will come, today all I want you to know is that, no matter what.. I love you. I've been saying it to your Dad for years and meant it, and the same goes for you. As you grow, explore and make decisions, know that I'll be standing behind you, giving you strength to make those decisions the best you can at the time and trusting each decision will bring you to where you need to be in life. Through watching other moms with older children it looks to me like a mother's love is sometimes hard to show because of our hopes and dreams for our little ones, but no matter what my first reaction is to anything that happens. Know that, no matter what... I love you.

You'll find people who may try to steer you certain ways out of love, my love has always been and always will be different. I will listen, I will ask question and I'll try to guide you to finding your own answers before telling you what I think those answers should be. It's just the way I'm made, and doesn't mean that either way of loving is wrong, it just is.

So remember, no matter what... I love you!

Love Always
Momma.