Dear Alexiss

You are doing so well! After being sick for a week, you're finally getting some much needed sleep. Boy did we all get a bit cranky, eh? I'm sorry I get impatient sometimes. I have a hard time keeping up to you some days, so full of life and wonder, while I'm old and sometimes too set in my ways. From the time you were born, our lives have drastically changed from acting like an old retired couple, almost boring in our contentment, to spending our time caring, sharing and playing, laughing and exploring the world again.

This is a good time to remind you to take care of yourself when caring for others. Don't use me for an example right now. The healthier you are in mind, heart and spirit, the more you can selfishly give to others in their times of need without burning yourself out. You also provide better care when you're in top shape yourself. And you never know when someone will need you to care for them, hopefully it's not your old parents too often.

The speed that you learn amazes me, and you surprise us every day. It reminds me of a quote I found online some time ago:

Don't worry that children never listen to you, worry that they are always watching you.
Robert Fulghum

This week you patted your head when Daddy asked you about your bed head, who knew! But we're onto you now that we know you're starting to understand things! I can't help but laugh when you bring me your bottle and iTouch to tell me you want to take a nap. At this rate, you won't need to talk for a long time. Today you pointed to an apple, and when I gave it to you, you munched on it whole! Later in the day you picked up something you thought was garbage and brought it to the cupboard, opened the cupboard and put the garbage in the garbage can! Not to mention how much you're liking using the potty, even if it only is playing sometimes.

Keep learning kiddo, you're doing great, you will do great, no matter what you end up doing in life. You are you, and that's good enough for me.

Love
Momma

How I spent my winter vacation

It all started with a light bouncy step as I left work to pick up Mark's Christmas present, I was looking forward to some good food, laughs and...extra sleep. Boy did I get that all wrong! Alexiss came down with a fever on Christmas Eve day and company had to almost fend for themselves, it's a good thing I managed to get the lasagna made and oven ready or they'd only have tons of garlic bread and salad to muster up.

For Christmas dinner we ended up with ham and eggs cooked by Matt, super yummy and super appropriate, since the crock pot with the turkey cooked cycled off sometime during the day and wasn't cooked in the least. Whoops. It's something to add to the turkey dinner stories at least, everyone's got one. :)

Well, it's now the 30th and Alexiss is still sick, temperature is gone, rash been and gone, now it's the residual runny nose and coughing keeping us all on edge. She's finally getting her appetite back too, I think me chasing her around with food and pedialyte annoyed her and Mark enough for her to concede.

Poor girl, I remember getting sick often on holiday's as well, it's no fun at all. New great toys and no energy to really play, the fun and games the past few days has been all about shoes.. putting on our shoes, on her, on us.. walking around, taking them off. Oh yes, a real barrel of laughs, even better after she figured out today how to open the front shoe closet, uh-huh.. no hiding away her favorite plaything of the week.. *sigh*

Well, off to knit.

And.. twirl!

As Mark puts Alexiss down for bed, I'm finally getting a chance to update the blog again. These past few months have left little time and I think Alexiss is actually giving me ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). I can't seem to concentrate and sit still for too long. I think part of that is because when I do seem to settle in, something happens to make me change focus all to often, so that the concept of sitting still for to long has become so foreign and fleeting that I don't trust my opportunities enough, and sit and wait for something to happen to tear me away... never really giving the real opportunities a chance to flourish due to anticipation of what may happen.

She's changing in so many ways, from temper tantrums to dancing to actually pooping on the potty! This weekend I thought I'd try the potty and what a success it was, I don't expect her to wander that way when she needs to, but she gives enough hints that there's enough time to get her there. It's gotta be so much easier than trying to stand and poop in a diaper!

Getting pictures and videos is becoming harder as well, since Alexiss is way to interested in technology to stand and smile, instead she wants to play and put the lens cap on, unless there's something else to keep her challenged, it doesn't take long for the camera to become much more interesting. We did manage to catch her dancing this weekend, she has a few books that play music when you press a button, she got so good that she knew when the song would stop and stopped twirling enough to press another button. Dancing has been keeping her more busy than her toys, and pulling the chain to turn the night light on and off... and doing up her seat belt.. and pressing buttons on just about anything... and turning the dial on the humidifier.

Alexiss loves the outdoors so much so that, since picking up a few words and forgetting them at around 8 months, that she now says her version of "outside" as she brings us her shoes, our shoes, jackets and points to the door. Last night we went out, I couldn't resist her, and she was content to stay in my embrace and look at all the Christmas lights in the night.

Well! Mark is back out, tonight's bedtime was a bigger success than the two hours it took me last night. I guess I can do some dishes and call it a night. Maybe I'll get some time to read! Still no time to knit yet though. lol.

Today on my way home, I heard this Christmas song, and thought Alexiss would love it. I was right, she twirled and twirled!



Beautiful Star of Bethlehem
The Judds

O beautiful star of Bethlehem
Shining far through shadows dim
Giving the light for those who long have gone
Guiding the wise men on their way
Unto the place where Jesus lay
O beautiful star of Bethlehem
Shine on

O beautiful star the hope of life
Guiding the pilgrims through the night
Over the mountains 'til the break of dawn
Into the land of perfect day
It will give out a lovely ray
O beautiful star of Bethlehem
Shine on

O beautiful star of Bethlehem
Shine upon us until the glory dawns
Give us a lamp to light the way
Unto the land of perfect day
O beautiful star of Bethlehem
Shine on

O beautiful star the hope of grace
For the redeemed, the good and the blessed
Yonder in glory when the crown is won
Jesus is now the star divine
Brighter and brighter He will shine
O beautiful star of Bethlehem
Shine on

O beautiful star of Bethlehem
Shine upon us until the glory dawns
Give us a lamp to light the way
Unto the land of perfect day
O beautiful star of Bethlehem
Shine on

O beautiful star of Bethlehem
Shine on

Dear Lil Mizz A

My dearest baby girl

I hope this is one of many letters I write to you over the years. I'm writing because time passes so quickly and there's always going to be things I forget to say, or things that I don't have time to say, or even times I say it and you aren't in the mind frame to take it all in. So I'm using your blog as a place to leave little notes to you that can be looked at in the years and decades to come.

There's lots to say already, so much advice, words of love and a need to protect you, but one day those words will come, today all I want you to know is that, no matter what.. I love you. I've been saying it to your Dad for years and meant it, and the same goes for you. As you grow, explore and make decisions, know that I'll be standing behind you, giving you strength to make those decisions the best you can at the time and trusting each decision will bring you to where you need to be in life. Through watching other moms with older children it looks to me like a mother's love is sometimes hard to show because of our hopes and dreams for our little ones, but no matter what my first reaction is to anything that happens. Know that, no matter what... I love you.

You'll find people who may try to steer you certain ways out of love, my love has always been and always will be different. I will listen, I will ask question and I'll try to guide you to finding your own answers before telling you what I think those answers should be. It's just the way I'm made, and doesn't mean that either way of loving is wrong, it just is.

So remember, no matter what... I love you!

Love Always
Momma.

Dear Santa

Dear Santa

Hello, me.. again, second year in a row, pretty impressive, eh? I don't really want anything this year since 1) I have fun playing with stuff like diapers, humidifiers and anything else that doesn't fit the "toy" description and b) there's nothing I really really want... well, except for the Baby Einstein CDs Momma lost a month or so ago.

It's been a good year overall, lots of learning and getting frustrated, and oh, those teeth! But these days I'm dancing, doing my own seat belts up and sleeping (most nights). That's being good, right? Can I still be on your "nice" list if I'm not asking for anything?

Travel safe, I'm sure I'll have a list for you next year! Oh, and tell the Reindeer they can have my carrots... uck.

Love
Alexiss

The blog wins again!

Over knitting of course. I really don't have much time to myself anymore, Alexiss has been wanting all of my attention, even if it's just sitting with her while she plays. Of course, if I decide to do more than sit, she wants to get involved, so I ... just.... sit...

Alexiss has a new little boyfriend, Kaleb has been around since I first started taking her to Moms and Tots but recently they've started to talk and "hang out". Today it seems, Kaleb saw Alexiss out and about the neighborhood and cried until his mom brought him over to share a romantic wagon ride with her.

This is what happened when we tried to get a video of her dancing (she's only done it a few times so far). The blackness is Alexiss trying to put the lens cap back on.



Hard work pays off and practice makes perfect when it comes to high chair seat belts, it only took her a year to learn to snap it together, and was she ever proud of herself! The first success had us looking at each other amazed before Mark grabbed the camera to see if we could duplicate it. (sorry for making you all turn your heads, it's a good way to force you to stretch!)



To conquer some nasty diaper rash I'm trying to get Alexiss to drink more fluids, after tonight's fun and games drinking from my cup, it just be the way to go instead of trying to follow her around with a sippy cup.



Here we are showing off Alexiss's new winter duds.

Home with my girl on a Wednesday

Here I sit on a coolish Wednesday morning, looking at the snow on the ground and waiting for Bubba to wake up. She's roused a few times but I guess she couldn't muster the motion to totally wake up. Tea in hand and finally getting a chance to update. Although I suspect that she'll wake before I'm finished, and this screen will sit for awhile, half done and waiting.

Friday we go check out a day home in Carseland for Wednesday's. It's the little things that impress me and make me feel okay about people, when I was on the phone with this woman yesterday, Bev, kids in the background were gently and nicely asked to quiet down for a few minutes so she could talk... and they did... and she thanked them. Yeah, the little things.

What a spin our lives took this year, and what a challenge! I didn't always handle things with the most love and humor in my heart but we all got through and now find more reasons to laugh together than to struggle. Even nights with three bed times aren't met with the same frustration and approach, I still confirm it's bed time, but if Alexiss doesn't settle we find things to laugh about until she settles in. Usually the laugh and the talking is enough to settle her in, stuffed puppy in hand and cuddling galore.

When Alexiss was first born, my faith in anything spiritual took a dive just because it seemed I could not get a break...nor would I always take a break when offered. Sleep deprivation is a baaadd thing. Some may have said post-partum depression but I knew it came back to missing something that I loved, I love sleeping! These days I can't sleep from worry, but that's different, it's not someone else not letting me sleep.

(by the way, she's up and muttering.. I'll have to go soon...)

These days, my faith is back, but my trust is not. I can handle bad things in life that happen to me, I can tough through them, learn from them and not hold resentment. I'm not so trusting with Alexiss's life. I don't always trust in faith that things happen as they should, I don't always trust that everything is for a reason. I want her to have good things in life, to not struggle, to not be pained, I want her to have love, laughs and life.... end of story.

There was a time in life, I took everything as it came, I lived with no regrets, I let the past go. I didn't fear or resent death, it was a part of life. With my Dad dying so young (I'm much older than he will ever be) I know we are mortal and age isn't always a factor. I lived that if I died tomorrow that I'd be okay to go onto the next phase of my journey. Now, not so much. I'd be pissed right off.

(ohhh, she could be brewing a "package" for me first thing this morning. Good thing to get out of the way I think, eh?)

I still worry about SIDs, (silly at age one, I know), that's what keeps me awake, listening to her breathing through the monitor.

It's had a similar effect on Mark, but in case, he's become more thankful for what he has and has a new motivation for life, to watch Alexiss grow and provide all he can to ensure that happens, love, a roof over our heads and food on the table. There is a new worry in there as well. Ah Mark, what an amazing man he is! So grounded and centered, so balanced. Never imposing his thoughts on others, never judging. I'm glad Alexiss has him for a Dad.

(okay, I must go and see what she's up to and start our day home together. Chances are we'll be chasing pets, eating... maybe napping... and walking from room to room. Her new thing is to grab something cloth in both hands. That provides a huge tripping hazard, so Mark and I hold up the slack behind her and follow.. from room to room to room to room.)

Happy Wednesday! I'm going to go spend it with my baby girl!