It's time to start this up again! It's been a long time, but the privacy was as necessary to me as starting this back up is. This is where I find my best voice, where I have time to think about my words, where I won't get cut off and where I don't see your expressions and reactions to my words. You see, I'm a sensitive soul that has learned to exist means to morph and tiptoe around without offending. That's a truly impossible task for me to speak my truth and share life.
Being quiet for so long has disadvantages. It's disconnected so much. It was necessary to stop sharing Ali's story until they could give consent. It was no longer my story to tell. It's also taken many years of being a sponge from many different views to bring it all together.
I guess the start of the pause was putting pieces together to understand Ali's anxiety, behavior, thoughts and actions were not as easy to put a finger on than all the help I was asking for could provide. I started seeing signs that Ali is autistic years before anyone would listen. Alli presented all the female traits and most testing and assessments are based on male presentation. That was a battle in itself.
You may wonder, why bother at all? The easy short answer is that I didn't want Alexiss to grow up feeling like the odd one out. I figured, as a mom, if they understood themselves, they would see what I see. Not an odd different kid, but a brilliant different minded unique kid. Not a kid that doesn't understand people, but a kid that doesn't understand typical people that was just as valid and had just as many rights to be. That they don't need to change.
We paid for an assessment, right before covid, while Ali exhibited some autistic traits, it was borderline. Not enough. "They" don't like labeling kids because to them the impact is negative. Never thinking it's the reactions of the world driven by experts needed to change. This was followed by a recommendation for a social skills class and some ablest therapy sessions which I quickly stopped.
Covid was a blessing as it gave Ali a safe bubble to be Ali! It gave me the space to support Ali, to foster Ali to drop the masking and be themself. What a gift!
Once again, we paid for a private assessment and we're lucky enough to get someone who cares and actually took extra time to consider and research how girls present as autistic. I could not tell Ali my suspicions. Due to masking for years, it was natural for Ali to change to what was expected. It was heartbreaking to not be able to share this whole world with Ali, yet. A place where others understood that being autistic doesn't mean broken, weird, odd or just plain strange.
Finally this spring! Ali got the diagnosis this spring!
Now that we've had time to adjust and understand a bit more, Ali's finding the need to understand more and be able to advocate for themself! This will be my journey as I help Ali with tools, views and thoughts.
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