Time to face facts

I think I have to resolve to face facts... Alexiss just isn't a good sleeper. In talking to other Moms with multiple kids, it's just the way it is sometimes and Alexiss isn't a good enough talker to tell me what's going on yet. I've tried food sensitivities, I've trying different down time lengths, different bed times. I've left her lamp on with a soft blue light in it, I've tried darkness, I've tried white noise.. no noise...I even tried putting the sweater I was wearing over her for a blanket last night, thinking it would have my smell and comfort her a bit. Silly, yes, but it tells you how creative and open minded I'm being.. and tells you just how many things I've been trying.

I've got a few more tricks up my sleeve, but I just may have to get it in my head that this is the way it's going to be and be thankful for the good nights, and try to help Alexiss through the rough nights. Getting to sleep can be a problem, but for that, there's a method, it's the staying asleep that I'm out of ideas for. So I'll continue with walking her back to her room and settling her back in and I've got to work on my own sleep pattern and insomniac ways to sneak in a few more hours each night.

I don't want to start asking her what it is that's waking her and use specific words to  put ideas in her head, I'd rather wait until she can voice it and make me understand.  It could be something like a noise, a light.. a dream. Who knows.

The phrase of the week, "Uh oh, wot happend?" with a cute shrug of her shoulders. That's not a spelling mistake, that's exactly how it sounds. She even did it last night on one of her waking spells, half asleep. She drifted off quickly after, making me wonder if this is kinda like a wakeful sleepwalking thing.

We have snow, yes, SNOW! Alexiss refused to go out for a few days when it started. I even brought in a bowl of snow to show her and let her explore the newness of it in the comfort of a warm house. No go. She went as far as to move away from the bowl of snow and look at it in disgust. heheheheh. Now she has fun going outside and kicking the snow, there's been a few chilly puddles to jump in to. When she gets cold, we come inside for a "hot juice". I get a coffee or tea and I've been treating her to a little mug of Latte. The best part of the cold was always coming inside for a hot chocolate and feeling the warmth radiate to all my cold parts.

Anger does not equate with love

Dear Alexiss

Since being off work full time and spending more time with you, I've been doing a lot of thinking and setting my head and heart straight. Never think that my love for you isn't bigger than everything else life throws my way. Your love rules my way and I am never thinking of just myself, I'm also thinking of you and Dad in everything I do.

I admit, I struggle with staying home full-time, it's a shift I'm having a difficult time with but I'm working hard to narrow down just what I'm trying to hold so tight onto. Work is work but work also gives us a sense of accomplishment. It's easy to finish a task and present it with a big smile knowing I've completed the task well. With you, it's not as easy to know when I'm doing the right thing, I don't think I'll ever know. All I can do is to try to protect you from harm while also knowing when to let you go explore and grow on your own. Another mom said to me that you are healthy and happy, so I must be doing a great job. But it's so much more than that.

Some mom's don't talk about it, I don't know why. Sometimes it makes me feel like I don't love you like I should, but then I started realizing all the other feelings may impact or seem to overlay my love for you, but they are totally separate things. Anger and impatience is not about how much I do or do not love you, it's nothing external and everything internal to me. What a huge realization! Say it with me, "Anger has nothing to do with loving or not loving a person". I can get angry with someone I don't necessary click with, but I can also get angry with those I love the most. So, my conclusion is, anger is never in the same equation with love. Remember that, not just from me but from everyone you come into contact with.

Today I realized that prayer is love. Regardless of denomination, it makes us aware of our hearts, our compassion and our empathy for others. Prayer, even if to a different God, is pure love and positive energy beamed your way. Be grateful for those are willing to publicly pray for you and think of you. Of course, some people may pray for you in a way you are not inclined because they think they know what is best for you, in that instance, pray for them for acceptance and tolerance in your differences. I think I've written you a past letter about types of love and how people show it. It's a tough one.

So, while I put you down to bed tonight, and after an hour and a half when you're still wiggling, it seems you'll never fall asleep and my patience wears thin, remember, even with the short curt "Alexiss, go to sleep"'s, there is still love in the room and always will be. My responsibility as a parent is to grow and nurture your spirit and self enough so that when the times comes, you are capable and strong enough to find your way in life and be willing to go the way you see fit, despite what others may think (yes, even me).

Always
Momma

First things first.. and other things next

A blog of all blogs, lots to tell from the past few days but sleep won out...until today. So while Ali naps, I'll try to include it all in one. The sleep saga continues, last night Ali was up at 11:00, 3:00 and then for good at 7:00. We're going to get her a more firm bed/mattress and I hope Mark will help me with some food sensitivity testing. Well, the cat's on the desk chair, so I'm perched at the kitchen table, chilly, tired a little achy and wanting to nap, but.. I have so much to tell!

Today was a special Mom and Tots day thanks to a few moms and Agrium, the moms were treated to a first aid day and left with amazing first aid kits:

There's a small kit included as well, thanks to them, I can now replace my make-shift kit in the diaper bag with a real one! I can't believe the stuff inside, normal first aid stuff plus some non typical stuff like some emergency candles, a flash light and one of those shiny tin-foilish emergency blankets! This was my week for snacks and because it was going to be a bit longer of a session, I decided to make sandwich wraps. I always stress and question what I decide to make for people, thank goodness they were a hit! I made a few of many flavors so everyone could pick; Egg, Ham and Cheese, Nutella and banana, cream cheese dipped in butter and rolled in cinnamon sugar, cucumber and laughing cow, ham and cheese and turkey with cranberry. Whew!

Okay, pretend this is yesterday's blog entry, k?

Pretty Cold and Pretty

It's official, Ali doesn't like snow. So we stayed inside and made ourselves pretty and took it easy. Ali got into one of my make up palette's and I let her go with it, it was a light pink and I didn't see it doing much harm. Even if her cheeks weren't rosy from the cold, they were from the make up!

Okay, one more blog entry to go....

Booed and Boo Hoo-ed

This weekend was full of treats! Ron and Gail came for a visit, cooked some super yummy food and gave Ali her birthday presents! 

A neighbor started a community game where you "Boo" your neighbors. I think we were close to the beginning of it. So, the rule is, you get boo-ed (a bag of candy, a poem and a cute print out sign), then you have to Boo two neighbors. The print outs are found online at http://www.beenbooed.com/ or do a search, there's tons of different templates. So we... ate the candy, put up the "We've been booed" sign on the door so we won't get booed again, grabbed some candy at the store and made bags up, printed out the sign and poem and BOOED two neighbors. The idea is to see how quick it can spread through the neighborhood. I haven't noticed many more, but then again, with Ali not wanting to go out in the snow... we don't get too far.

You may notice a bit of a fat lip in the close ups above, Ali continues to learn the hard way about climbing on stuff and exactly what gravity is. A true scientist! Learning through experimenting. I could live without the big experiments though.  I try to keep an eye on her to steer her away from the big falls and climbs, this one wasn't that high, but she didn't want to let go of her new Horse to catch herself. I was mad at myself, mad at Mark... but then I realized that stuff like this just happens sometimes.

You may start to hear me saying "Ati" instead of "Ali". Her playmate, Lauren, cannot say Ali and it come out "Ati", I didn't think much of it, well, I did think it was cute, but that was as far as it went. It wasn't until Ryan, Linda and their 21 month old daughter, Violet, came to stay that it started to stick. Violet also called Alexiss "Ati".. and you know, she kinda likes it! heh.

Whew, so, 40 min into Ali's nap .....

One more thing: Needle in a Haystack! 

Some of you have probably heard me ramble about starting a yarn store from home amid the planning to leave full time work. It's slow going for sure, but last week I tried to become a distributor for one of my favorite supply company, Knit Picks. Their online request form asked for a license number... I got no further. You see, as a small home run business, I don't need a GST/HST Business number until my sales go over $30,000 a year, accountants recommend waiting since getting one before really complicates things around tax time, more forms, etc. Add that in rural Wheatland County the County doesn't like to give out licenses to home run businesses... and really... I don't have proof to places that I'm a legit business. Anyway, I emailed Knit Picks and they haven't totally said no yet! They wanted some information and pictures and are still considering letting me carry their yarn and supplies. This would also put me on their list of retail stores! yay! So, since I had to take some pics, here they are: 

Okay, 50 min into Ali's nap.... now I'm off to either knit or contact GarnStudio yarns to see if they're interested in letting me become a distributor for them. Toodles!

Two weeks Home

This is my second week home with Alexiss on an almost full time basis and we haven't killed each other yet. Although, Alexiss has shown talent as an interrogator, using sleep deprivation as a tactic. Poor girl, poor me, she continues to wake through the night, although it seems she's transitioning from a 3:00 am wake-up to a 1:00 am wake-up, and yes, the transition meant a few nights with both! I used to be able to catch up on weekends but she's started crying or making her way to the closed bedroom door and it's enough to stir me out of sleep, after a few attempts I've given in to just waking up.

We tried potty training last week with a successful morning and not so successful afternoon. Instead of adding the trama of making it a fight, I relented and we're back to diapers. Mind you, I'm fortunate enough that she's been pooping in the toilet for months. Part of me relenting was to ensure she doesn't revert into pooping in her diaper as well. I know it seems a little early, but she's really not enjoying her diapers anymore. Oh well, I thought I'd give it a go and... it didn't. We'll try again some other time, when she's watched Elmo's Potty video a few more times and we can sing the songs together. heh.

Thanks to Pinterest.com I've had some fun things to do... for Alexiss and for Mark. There's all kinds of home organization ideas, Do it Yourself projects and great ideas for kids including crafts and sensory play. A few weeks ago I had no idea what "sensory play" was! It was just play-doh, messy fun and exploring! They have a name for everything these days, even visiting friends is now "play dates". The moms around here must think I'm so out of touch!

Yesterday we had fun playing with baking soda and colored vinegar, fizz fizz fizz.

Well, I know we announced upon her birth that she's a girl, and sometimes she is.... when it comes to hair and getting nail polish on her toes, her untaught love of pink, but sometimes the tomboy comes out and the rocks go into her pockets, the dirt goes onto her face and anything gets climbed. What a great balance!

Oh.. and I'm sad to say "belbows" is now "elbows". It's tough, I know as a parent it's my responsibility to grow her and let her grow, she can't say "belbow" forever! I mean, what would her first boyfriend think!

We had company a few weekends ago, Mark's good friend Ryan, his wife Linda and their 21 month old, Violet! What a fun weekend, doing nothing and everything. We went to a park in Strathmore and played in the leaves.

Whew, so much to tell, but I don't want to ramble too much, I mean.. you poor people have to READ it all! So, now onto pictures and maybe, just maybe I'll get better at updating more often with little tidbits. Like last week, when she was at Bev's, I guess the toy of the day was the shower! Alexiss and Aurora would get into the shower and pretend to wash, then get out and giggle. Of all the toys.... the shower! Or how last week at the grocery store, she was getting fidgety, so I gave her a noisy box of alpha pasta to shake shake shake... and when that got boring, without me catching on, she opened it and started to munch on the uncooked pasta. She was thoroughly enjoying it... and the cashier got a kick out of it too, even amid the A's and B's that fell to the floor! And I swear... I had just fed her before we left! Or the night Mark left the cap to her bottle on the night stand, upon her 3:00 wake-up, she so coyly pointed to her bottle cap and shrugged her shoulders, bewildered as to where her bottle was. I couldn't help but indulge her in a little night time snack after laughing.

Okay, now I'll give your poor eyes a break and a treat!