Ali earns an Allowance

Alexiss is growing into her own person more and more every day, with that comes thumbs-up moments and thumbs-down moments. Many moms utilize sticker charts or numbering charts to reward and discipline, but to Alexiss..a sticker is a sticker and a number is a number. She's already grasped that money buys things though, so I thought I'd use a chore type chart to let her earn and spend money! I'm also trying to teach her that money isn't just an endless resource and that Daddy works hard to put a room over our heads, food on our table and then some.

I struggled with the layout, or possibly wasn't fueled enough to put my mind to actually making it happen. I had the play money and supplies months ago but there's a few recent drivers pushing me on; one is her love of gum/candy/new toys the other is wanting her to sleep through the night (but wake up to pee) and to stop throwing toys when she gets mad or frustrated. The last toy has been thrown for free!

So I roughed out how I wanted the final layout to look. Believe it or not, this took time, I'm a bit of a stickler for putting things where they logically make sense to me. There will be one big Bristol board with smaller "cards" that can be removed or added with magnets. I have a spot where I can let Alexiss know how she can earn money, later I also decided there were a few things where she'd have to pay back money. For now I'll call them How to Earn Money and How to Loose Money Cards. The bottom of the board has sections to display what Alexiss wants to save for and how much she has earned, Reward cards

 All in One Chore/Allowance/Discipline/Praise/Reward Chart

Required Supplies:

You can use sticky notes on a wall for all intents and purposes but I decided to dress it up a little

• Bristol Board
• Play money coins
• Magnets (buttons and a strip)
• Glue Gun
• Laminate (I used Scotch brand thermal laminating pouches 110 mm by 161 mm)

Step 1: Come up with ways to earn/loose money and things to "buy" as a reward

I packed all my supplies away in one handy spot so I could play a bit, prepare dinner and brainstorm ideas for how Alexiss could earn/loose money. Examples: Earn a quarter for putting away toys, Earn a dollar for listening and focusing on mom or dad when being spoken too, loose one dollar every time she throws a toy in frustration or anger. Use money to buy candy, an iPad app... etc.

EARN - Put toys away, clear dishes from the table after a meal, go to bed without a fuss, listen to Mom/Dad the first time, vacuum, dust, do dishes, tidy bedroom, sleep through the night, pee on toilet at night, dress self, wash hands after bathroom, parent/guardian choice

LOOSE - Throw things, push/bully friends, put hands/things in mouth, parent/guardian choice

SPEND - iPad app, go shopping (dollar store), candy, gum, specific toy, 1 item from prize box (box of stickers, loot bag goodies, glow sticks, dollar store toys...etc)

Keep a notepad or paper and pen in a handy spot while you go about your normal everyday stuff and add to it every-time something comes to mind. You may want to keep it organized and keep ways to earn/loose and buy as separate sides of the paper so it's easier later. No doubt this will change as time goes on. I tried to round out behavior with hygiene and helping out around the house. I tried to steer clear of ways Alexiss could loose money and chose to only use that for behavior that is totally unacceptable. I decided to opt out of making "yelling at parents in anger" an option because I think at this time it's healthier for Ali to share her emotions and thoughts...we can reign in her in emotions later, when it becomes clear Alexiss has mastered it, then perhaps it'll make it to a card as unacceptable and a loss. There's tons of ideas online to suit every child's temperament and age, a quick search of Chore or Reward Chart will give you endless ideas, and as a Mom, I know other Moms will have some things that pop into their head right away, it could be the thing we say 100 times a day, over and over.

Step 3: Start making your content for your cards

Print and cut out the Earn/Loose/Reward cards below or use it as a template to personalize your own.

Ways to earn money (chores, praise) and ways to loose money (discipline)
Things to buy with Earned Money (Rewards) with coin equivilants

I used different color borders; green to earn money, red to loose money (pay Momma) and blue to spend money. I wanted to use clipart pictures on my cards instead of writing and drawing.  I typed out all the ways I decided Ali can earn or loose money and then went online looking for clipart. Instead of using numbers to write down the value, I wanted to use pictorials of Canadian money. I honestly think this will help motivate Alexiss and make the reward a little more realistic. I found some great Canadian money information for kids and worksheets at the kidzone website.

• There are two "Toy or Item" reward cards in my template to use if there's a special toy Ali really wants. (I'll be finding a picture of a Duplo set to print out), then I can tape the image on the outside of the card and write in the dollar amount with a wet/dry erase marker. 
• I also made one card for 1 item in a prize box and an extra prizebox card to stick on the basket/box so it's the same visual.

Step 4: Assembling your cards and coins

Laminate your cards! Remember to leave space between each card for the laminate to stick to laminate. If you don't have a laminating machine, you can use an iron. You may have to play a bit to find the right temperature on your iron so it will adhere but doesn't melt. I found the setting just below medium worked for me. Put the laminate between wax paper or thin cardstock (cereal boxes work, construction paper) and use the heat from the iron to melt the laminate together, I found quick motions was better. You could also buy self laminating pouches.

Use the strip magnet on the back of the laminated cards then fire up the glue gun and glue the button magnets onto the back of the play coins.

Step 4: Make your board

I'm choosing to make the layout on my bristol board with a marker instead of using more printer paper and ink. The green, red and blue boxes represent the cards, The black boxes and words are what I wrote right onto the Bristol board.

I really didn't have to go this far, but it was fun and I like that I can add or remove things as I see fit. If she's over zealous and decides to dust for the fifth time in a day.... I can remove that card and give it a break. If our budget is tight I can remove the option to buy and iPad app and leave up candy and gum. If I don't want Alexiss to have candy that day or there's none in the cupboard, I can remove the option to buy candy as a reward. As Alexiss grows (if this works) I can take away the chore of picking up toys and add in "do homework. I could add in rewards that are time events or special non-monetary rewards like "doing a jig-saw with Mom/Dad" or "free pretend/play time with Mom/Dad". Right now I don't want her to feel like she needs to earn and spend money for those types of activities right now though, perhaps as she gets older.

After the rush of Christmas and Colds...

The rush of Christmas and Colds is dwindling down enough to update. I do have a few updates drafted up but I'm still working on them. Today I started working on a chart for Alexiss. Some moms use stickers, marbles or ladders with numbers that change depending on their behavior, I decided to also teach Alexiss the value of earning money. At a young age she's already respecting that things cost money but she doesn't understand where that money comes from.

It was a wonderful Christmas spent with friends and family. I worked hard to get the guest room downstairs into a welcoming space. We moved the Tassimo coffee maker downstairs and got a used bar fridge so guests that want a coffee before facing us can hide in their own space. It's still not completely how I envision it but I was happy to have the mattresses on a bedframe off of the floor with some nice finishing touches like having the computer password in a nice frame as well as some emergency and house information nicely framed for guests. It was almost together by the time Matt and Cindi arrived, no doubt it was much more homey than just a mattress in a room! With Christmas money we finally bought bedding to be used just for downstairs and Bob and Alvisia treated me to awesome bedside lamps for my birthday. I still have to refinish a used headboard and bedside tables, find a large picture to put up on the wall, perhaps find an area rug under the bed and a full length mirror on the wall, but I'm very very proud of being able to give guests a cozy place to sleep and relax in when staying overnight!

When everyone had cleared. Alexiss and I resorted to our regular routine. A shopping day in Strathmore meant a stop at McDonalds for a grilled cheese happy meal for Alexiss and a coffee for Momma. She was so darn cute eating and being spaced out I just have to share.

We're also back to working on our letters, and little miss smarty pants is proving that she knows more than I think she does. We barely got going with Train Tracks for the letter T and she was telling me what sound the "T" made. With the letter T we could start spelling! CAT and BAT! We also did the letter M as in Monster.

 Look what Ali can do! She worked hard all week, it was messy and spitty!

I'm sorry, I know I'm leaving a slew of stuff out but it's 1:00 AM. I had fun working on the Allowance chart and didn't realize how late it was. I've got to get myself to bed, 7AM comes too early in the morning!!

Some days I just don't want to be a parent

What a day! First a toy thrown at me, then it didn't seem to phase her that she's hurt me, physically or emotionally. When I asked her if she threw toys at Dad, she said "No, I like Dad". I tell ya, the things we do to our parents and take for granted. On one hand it's always comforting to know Ali can be who she is and be in whatever moment she's in with me present, on the other hand...it sometimes sucks.

After I got over the hurt, I realized Ali's allowed to not like me. I mean, I always knew it and knew it would happen, but today I got to practice it.  But I took the rest of it personally as lack of respect.

I don't always know how to be a parent, I don't always want to be a parent. How do you teach respect? Demanding it instils fear, not respect, but outwardly it appears as respect. I want the real deal and today I was disrespected. I can teach Ali to use manners, zip her jacket, say please and thank you, share, drive her battery Jeep (okay, she's also self taught, she catches on so quick!), to think of safety. Somehow respect is a tough one. I show her respect, but let's face it, children are in their own little self world. You cannot teach respect just by giving it, she's got no idea. But disrespect her, and boy, does she know it. So she knows lack of respect but doesn't understand the concept of respect... interesting indeed. Showing respect. Well, I can demand it, in a passive way. Don't get me wrong, my urge is not to be passive at all, I wanna yell and fight...roar... disrespect me...I'll teach ya!

I can only speak for Alexiss when I say, anger gets me no where. She does not learn in that environment at all. I can actually see her disassociate and disengage. Today I chose to walk away and talk about how I don't like to play after being hit with a toy, it makes me feel bad. I told her I wasn't feeling good about the way she was treating me and that I didn't have to put up with it.

I have no idea how to be a parent. Today, I didn't want to be a parent.

BUT... after bedtime, when she was sleeping uncomfortably, I quietly went in and fixed her stuffed toys. She rouses and open her eyes to ask me what I'm doing. I whisper "It's okay honey, I'm just fixing your toys, you looked so uncomfortable". She smiles with half open eyes, lift up both hands and gives me two thumbs up.

Now I'm just in love and wanting to be a parent, her parent. Call me sucker cuz tomorrow is another day.

Dear Santa 2014

Dear Santa
I just want you to know I love you. And I have a cold. If you want to... come here.
Bunny is excited and loves you. Bunny likes the tree. I really love you. Bunny hops on the tree all the time. (Bunny likes spongebob, he goes hahahahahah). September I'm going to be 5! That's all it!

We were sitting at the table and a toy bunny was beside her, the small Christmas tree was on the table beside Ali. There was also a Spongebob mug in front of her.

This year, Ali's been crafting ornaments and decorating the tree. There's no way I'm getting out our old ornaments, I LOVE the tree and Ali's ornaments.

Today is brought to you by the letters G, O and P

The letter G was super fun to make, complete with gum stuck up in the corner. G proved to be a medium difficult, our saving grace was living on a golf course and liking golf. Notice the pink golf ball on the green and the goldfish in the water. This one wasn't as much fun for Alexiss as say, the letter P, and I'm not sure it stuck as well in her head. I'm finding the letters that have more than one sound is a tough concept to work around.

YES, P is for so many good things and was a breeze! Sometimes Ali mixes up the B and P sounds, but they're so close. 

Oh dear, the letter O, what a fiasco! I think it was a fail from the start with the mouth. Again, with two letter O sounds, it became a bit confusing. Definitely one to revisit later. It also could have been low energy and fighting off a cold the contributed.

I can't wait until we're all feeling better to have fun making train tracks!

Balancing cleaning priorities and leaving time to play. AKA: shortcuts and the shortlist of cleaning

I am by no means an expert on house cleaning but there's a few key things I've realized that can trick the masses into thinking your a super clean freak when all your doing is managing a mess that a four year old hurricane can create. At the very least, it will keep your home looking clean but lived in. Disclaimer: I cannot speak to what your mom may or may not see, but I can guarantee, she'll notice a few of these

• Get that garbage all the way to the garage/outside. Mark taught me that there's no such thing as a Daddy Job, after grabbing the kitchen garbage from the hallway and brought it to the garage grumbling "I guess this is a Daddy job". It made me realize that although each of us has our strengths and we balance each other well, there's no such thing as a Mommy or Daddy job, if you can do it... do it.
• Ugh, another tea bag jumped off the spoon onto the floor. No worries, that J cloth has almost worn out it's use with dishes, go ahead, grab it and do some spot cleaning on the floor! It puts off mopping for another day. While I don't mop my floor near enough, it's usually when I'm forced to by sticky spills. Mopping is usually last on my list. 
• Whether you want to or not, eventually there will be a juice spill that demands for you to finally mop. In my world, you're allowed to just git er done and leave the stuck stickers a few times. I don't recommend leaving them for more than a few months..or people will notice. Worse comes to worse, let your kid help clean the floor with a cloth and water, only do that on days when you have tons of patience though.
• Playdoh - if you're just not up for sweeping again today, put on some old socks and stomp it up, then toss the socks out. It's a win win! Use your husbands holey socks for a super win!
• Crumbs look, well crumby. Keep wiping!
• Keep your toilets clean and extra toilet paper handy!
• Leaving dishes in the sink is okay,  but if  the same company sees the same bowl for days...they may start to question your cleaning skills. 
• One sink full of dishes is acceptable, make it look even better by rinsing and not leaving crumbs in the sink.
• A burnt out interior bulb goes a long way to hiding spills and messy shelves in the fridge. If you don't have a burnt out bulb, give the shelves a quick wipe before loading up with this week's groceries. Do yourself a favor, and before stocking your fridge, clean out all old leftovers that didn't make it into "fridge soup".
• Never, ever... ever buy a white coffee maker
• Keep keys and wallets where you can find them. Nothing makes you realize everything is a mess more than not being able to find the most important things when you need them.
• Which leads me to... do not use a catch junk kitchen bowl. It can be handy in a pinch but those things just collect useless stuff. When you finally sort through all the way to the bottom, you'll end up tossing most of the stuff in the garbage anyway. 
• Use stacking bins, it keeps kids focused and on one task, and makes one mess. It's also makes it less of bewildering mess for a young child to clean up. The dollar store is an awesome place for nice looking baskets, pouches and boxes. Get a bunch that match and you can use them all through the house with the added bonus that it looks like you thought out your decor.
• Letter magnets sure look like fun and educational but they don't hold anything and end up under the fridge and being kicked around the house. They don't hurt as much as stepping on Lego but do yourself a favor and buy big fridge magnets instead. Letters. Seriously. Suck.
• Laundry. Ugh, the never ending pile. I almost don't want to talk about it but I must. If you're like me, things make it to the washer and dryer but folding is a bottle neck. Clothes wash and dry better in smaller loads and make it more manageable to fold afterwards. Drape pants and shirts over your arm out of the dryer, grab socks and underware in your hand and the sorting is almost done already! Try doing one load every other day during the week.
• Close curtains in a pinch. To get off that window crayon that's been stuck on for months, old newspaper and water work wonders on glass! I swear there's something in the toner that works better than any commercial glass cleaner.
• Okay, seriously. Again, in a pinch, moisturized hands work better at a quick hand dust. Come on, you know you've all done it.
• You are definitely allowed to over announce that you've wiped all door knobs and doors down with lysol after the last virus invaded your house and all inhabitants. 
• And my favorite.... go ahead and use that old annoying toy to press down the garbage in the can. Just don't let them see you do it!

This is by no means the end all be all of cleaning, there's tons not on here. This list comes in handy if your house is already somewhat tidy and organized. If you're house has piles of stuff in corners, etc... this list just won't have the same effect. 

Tasty apple spit....

Me "Ali, what are you chewing on?
Ali, "nothing, I ate all my apple and now I have tasty apple spit! "