Becoming a tree nymph

Tonight as she slipped off to sleep, I held her in my arms against me and together we became a tree. We marveled at the nest with the baby birds in it, their warmth lit our branches. A fox came along and brought her cubs to frolic and play. A woodpecker scratched an itch and it felt soooo good. Our long brown skirt heavy, but in a way that made us feel solid and secure. The wind whooshed through our leaves. The leaves reveling in the sunlight and our skin, shaded, cool.

I've always found grounding myself through visualizing and meditating of being a tree one of the best ways to break away from the nervous energy of the day, all the little pings of energy that irritate, that unsettle.

Alexiss hasn't been sleeping well this week, and the fifth night (last night) was the worst. Tonight she fell asleep quite easily and I know both of us were thankful. Yesterday she had gotten a few insect bites, by dinner, it was obvious that she was having a reaction. Because she's so healthy, I really haven't had to give her much care or first aid, so I wasn't even sure I could give her Benadryl. She woke around 12:00, and without having a 24 hour pharmacy nearby, I thought to myself... "we get this under control now or tomorrow during the day.. and neither of us are sleeping anyway, may as well be doing something."

So I woke up poor Mark so I could get ready for a short drive into the Strathmore emerg. It was either that or hoof it all the way into Calgary. Bad use of the emerg health care, but honestly, it was worth it to both of us as we finally and quickly fell asleep at around 4:00.

I'm struggling with being a working Mom. I love my work time, my adult time, my productive time. But I'm finding that I'm torn. Alexiss and Olive get along fine, but I know my bond with her is strong and with me she flourishes and learns, she explores and grows at a different rate. I feel she is more herself with me, or is becoming herself more easily with me. Our bond is very strong and I understand her, I can almost hear her thinking about something she's about to do. Our spirits match.

So, I've got some hard thinking ahead. Mark and I both do. But we do both feel Alexiss needs more time with me than she's been getting. It'll be interesting to see what solution we come up with in the next few months!  

We had another short trip to Ontario as a family for family. Mark's grandmother passed away with loved one nearby to help ease her transition.  It was a sad occasion, but good to see everyone and spend time supporting each other. She will be missed, a very gentle loving woman with an impeccable attention to detail and people. I'm always amazed at how quickly Alexiss warms up to family members, specially the younger ones. It's a treat to see her with other kids. Mark's cousins kids (does that make them second cousins... I think?) Brittany and Courtney love her to pieces and she loves them back. I swear she remembered them from our visit last summer. We did take the opportunity to geo-cache with Opa and spend a day with Pops, watching the squirrels and blue jays come and get their peanuts.

I hear her, I feel her

My daughter needs me

I hear her
I hear the joy in her laugh
I hear the cause of her pain
I see the light in her eyes
I hear her thoughts as she thinks

I hear her spirit

She needs me.

She needs me to love her
She needs me to accept her
She needs me as she explores the world
She needs to know she's perfect

It's my smile that tells her
It's my gaze as I watch her
It's sharing breath with her

The quiet moments as she slips off to sleep in my arms....

are perfect

love

Catchin up with our Starr

I have no idea what Alexiss was trying to do. It made me chuckle enough to want to share...

A typical play day with tiles. I'm so glad I bought these things!

Playing ootside

Being silly in the tub

Alexiss's expanded vocabulary and translations

Bow - Cat. Okay, this one takes a little explanation. There's a cat down the street called Meow Meow... see connection yet?

Cheese - Surprising!

pad-pad (as she taps the couch) - iPad. Now Mark wants another one for his birthday because Alexiss seems to think the family one is hers. heh.

ba - Ball, Bath or Bed..oh yeah.. or bum. It's usually pretty easy to tell which is which

oot  - Outside

Shhhh - telling Rex to stop barking or the cat to stop meowing.

and of course, No. She's getting the hang of Yes too.

She's done the odd repeating thing too, where she repeats and then doesn't say it again, kinda like her not remembering how she said it. The most recent was flower, but she's been doing it for months.

Her comprehension is far beyond though. She knows everything we say and what it means, and she points out things in books easily.

We had a great morning playing in the dirt and around the yard.

A lil shnack outside

My mother's day present, thanks to Alexiss and help from Olive!

Alexiss is getting quite the tan... on her hands. I swear, it's not dirt and she usually wears long sleeves. heheheheh

Rita, Bev's daughter, (Bev is the Wed day care lady) thought it would be cute to put pig tails in Alexiss's hair. She was right! It was super CUTE and Alexiss loved them. So, of course, I had to go get elastics!

Mark came home with a box from his grandmother for Alexiss's collection. I'll have to get them together again and take a picture! Thanks Grandma! We're still thinking of you everyday!

New videos are being uploaded as I type, hopefully they'll be ready for you all this weekend.

Dear Alexiss

Dear Alexiss,

I have a secret to tell you. I hog you at bedtime! It's the most relaxing part of my day, most times, and when it's not, we get some alone time to poke my nose or snuggle, sometimes you even sneak in kisses and say "bed" back and forth. And then SOMETIMES you just won't go to sleep. Those are tough nights because you won't settle in on me so I put you in your crib.. and you cry as I leave the room. You usually settle again pretty quick and play on your own or drift off quickly, but it's still hard on a Momma.

And SOMETIMES when you're drifting off, we meditate. I'd like to think you're with me, because in my mind you are. We walk along a beach or sit near a bonfire in the forest as quiet as mice smiling at each other and enjoying the moment.

And ALL THE TIME when you're drifting off, I protect you. I seal off your room from everything outside the door and window, and it's just us. Me and you. Safe and free from outside vibrations. When you get older, I'll give that key to you, but for now I use the reasoning that, as the parent, I own the house..... and so I keep you safe.

Love you!
Momma